planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize