Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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