Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize