mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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