There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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