There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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