I think my fart just growled at me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
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This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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