people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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