I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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