I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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