I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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