What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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