I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize