I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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