Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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