What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
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Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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