Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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