Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize