Me. At least after what I've been through.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize