If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize