now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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