Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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