rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize