my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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