My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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