true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize