why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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