So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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