Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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