I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
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if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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