I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize