apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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