youre lurking in front of me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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