I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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