So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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