So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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