I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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