you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize