I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize