it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize