my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize