I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize