From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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