party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize