I skipped work to stalk him.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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