Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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