How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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