just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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