the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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