Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize